How to tell what someone is really saying

Neil Asher

How To Tell What Some Is Really Saying - Neil Asher

Everything is a Freudian slip!

You’ve heard of Freudian slips right?

A Freudian slip is what Freud postulated happens when a repressed part of the subconscious frees itself through the voice, conversation and behaviours.

An example of this would be a conversation I had with a friend recently when they told me on 5 occasions in less than 2 minutes that they didn’t have the time for their wife. Or when a client found 5 ways to not make it to a session because she knew I was going to “call her” on some behaviour that wasn’t serving her and ask her what was the foundation of it.

Now think about that statement: “I don’t have the time for my wife” what could we assume from this?

Well we could assume that the client is “time sensitive” and that time is important to them, so a possible line of questioning could be about time pressures and how it’s effecting them.

“I don’t have time for my wife” … why not? What prevents you from having time? What would happen if you made the time?

Language tells us SOOOO much about someone if we will only “listen’ to what they are saying and not saying.

I have found in a coaching sessions that people will generally tell you what is wrong with them and how to help them all in the first 5 minutes of coaching.

The next 55 minutes are doing what the client has asked you to do so they can move forward again and make conscous the unconscious desire to get moving again.

Let me say this bold statement.

You already know exactly what you need to move forward in life, your role is to simply get out of the way and really listen to what you say to yourself so you can get where you want to go.

Try this and you’ll see it’s true.

Really listen to somebody as they talk, be inquisitive, ask questions and then listen to the answers.

Don’t offer any comments, leave uncomfortable silences, see what comes to fill them, resist the temptation to fill them yourself, let your friends fill them.

Once your friends know at the subconscious level that you can help they will literally give you the keys to their future in the hope that “finally someone will listen”: not many people listen to their subconscious desire and motives.

When there subconscious feels you will, it will tell you EXACTLY what you need to know.

Your role then is to feed it back to the conscious mind and to rationalise the directive of their subconscious for the them so they can get it

This is being a friend at its highest level.

Try it for yourself

Tell me how you go and I look forward to hearing all about how well you connect and listen to your clients and friends and what a difference it makes in their and your life.

A couple of cool books for this is the psychopathology of everyday life by Sigmund Freud and Robert Johnson “inner work”.

Johnson is a Jungian analyst and as you may know Carl Jung is the father of Coaching Psychology and was an early student of Freud’s before they split because Jung felt their was more to the unconscious than repressed sexual desires!

A good primer on Jung is Man and his symbols.

Have fun listening to your subconscious letting you know how to self actualize your life.

Neil Asher

P.S understanding what people truly want is the foundation of great marketing imho